There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night
There once was a man from Kanass
Whose nuts were made out of brass
In stormy weather
He'd clack them together
And lightning shot out of his ass
There once was a fellow McSweeney
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini
There once was a man Robin Hood
Who lived in a Nottingham wood
He learned how to fuck
From old Friar Tuck
And made Marion whenever he could
There once was a fellow McDoole
Who found little red spots on his tool
His Doctor a cynic
Said get out of my clinic
And wipe off that lipstick, you fool
A pirate, history relates
Was scuffling with some of his mates
When he slipped on a cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates
There once was a woman named Jill
Who swallowed an exploding pill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her tits in a tree in Brazil
There once was a plumber from Lee
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
She said Stop your plumbing
There's somebody coming
Said the plumber still plumbing - It's me
A randy marsupial named Reeves
Spent some time with the whores 'tween their knees
When they'd asked him for money
He'd say "Listen honey
A koala eats bushes and leaves."
Now down in the valley of Shneel
Lived a woman who loved to reveal
With her curtains well drawn
Standing bare as a fawn
She'd do this really neat trick with an eel
Now this right old man was a sick 'un
He had a dozen hens ripe for the pickin'
He'd chase 'em around
With his trousers pulled down
And he'd say "Whatsa matter, you chicken?"
Twas a crazy old man called O'Keefe
Who caused local farmers much grief
To their cows he would run
Cut their legs off for fun
And say "Look, I've invented ground beef!"
There once was a man from Havana
Screwed a girl on a player piano
At the height of their fever
Her ass hit the lever
And Yes he has no banana
There once was a man from East Kent
Whose tool was so long that it bent
To save her some trouble
He folded it double
And instead of coming, he went
There once was a man from Bonaire
Who was doing his wife on the stair
When the banister broke
He doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air
On a knoll a young maiden named Molly
Her innocence lost through young folly
His name was Sing Chum
And too soon he did cum
And all he could say was "I'm solly!"
A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit
"Does shit stick to your fur as a habit?"
"Of course not," said the hare,
"It's really quite rare!"
So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
To his friend, Ned said, rather blue
"My wife Edith just told me we're through
For she says I'm too fat."
And his friend told him that
"You can't have your cake and Edith too"
There once was a girl named Tristan
Whose beer that she ordered was was pissed in
She said "I don't think"
As she spit out her drink
"On the menu that this one was listed"
I had me a wench from East Broint
Who bade me her skin to anoint
The girl had arthritis
And so I decided
She wouldn't mind one more stiff joint
There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
Said he with a grin as he tickled his chin
If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it
There was a girl from St Horton
Who had one long tit
And one short 'un,
Not only that
A big hairy twat
And a fart like a 500 Norton