LAWS

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THE ILLOGIC OF LEGISLATORS

It is very unfortunate that Australia has been saddled with politicians and their advisors who seem to invent laws just for the hell of it, whether they make any sense or not. Many laws have been passed that do far more harm than good and many laws are just outright stupid. Here is a selection of laws that have not solved any problems and many are really idiotic.

• It is an offence to fly a kite 'to the annoyance of any person' or sing an 'obscene song or ballad' in a public place in Victoria.
  
  COMMENT: It all depends on the definition of "obscene". When prime time TV shows feature all those dastardly four-letter words with impunity at times when children are watching, it would be very difficult for police to prove that the lyrics of "The Good Ship Venus" are anything but innocuous.
  
  
• In South Australia, there is a $250 maximum fine for unlawfully ringing doorbells.
  
  COMMENT: Could Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses be charged with this heinous crime, considering that they have no legitimate reason for ringing anybody's doorbell?
  
  
• You can be jailed for up to a year for cleaning up seabird or bat poo without a licence in Western Australia and you can also be fined thousands of dollars for possessing more than 50kg of potatoes under certain circumstances.
  
  COMMENT: So if a seagull or bat shits on your car or even on you and you attempt to clean up the mierda, you can find yourself in jail? Obviously legislators must have been bored on the day when they invented this idiotic law.
  
  
• In Western Australia, you can be fined thousands of dollars for possessing more than 50kg of potatoes under certain circumstances.
  
  COMMENT: Ah yes, those deadly potatoes could probably be made into a bomb. One really has to wonder who would even contemplate such a ridiculous law.
  
  
• It is illegal to post a fake job advertisement in Queensland.
  
  COMMENT: Has anybody ever been prosecuted for this heinous crime? But then again, those legislators in Queensland are bat-shit crazy.
  
  
• It is an offence in both South Australia and Victoria to take a homing pigeon unless you have lawful authority to do so. In Western Australia, you can be in trouble for stealing a pigeon, but only if it is tame and either in a pigeon-house or on the owner's land.
  
  COMMENT: Stealing anything is bad, but are there really people skulking around and nicking pigeons? Maybe a parliamentarian had his favourite pigeon stolen and made into pigeon pie and decided to act.
  
  
• In Victoria it is an offence to undertake any rain-making activity unless you are authorised to do so (Rain-making Control Act 1967 (Vic) section 9). 'Rain-making' refers to the artificial nucleating or seeding of clouds using a manned aircraft (section 2), so your rain dances should still be okay.
  
  COMMENT: So exactly what is wrong with seeding clouds to make rain? After all, most farmers constantly hope for rain, but of course in Victoria, they want everybody to die of thirst.
  
  
• In Victoria it is an offence to harness or attach your goat or your dog to a vehicle and drive it in or through a public area.
  
  COMMENT: I can understand the law about goats, but what about all those tradies that have dogs on the backs of their utilities? Or does that law mean that it's illegal to hitch a dog to a vehicle and make the dog pull it along?
  
  
• In Victoria, making unreasonable noise with a vacuum cleaner after 10pm or before 7am on weekdays, and 9am on weekends, is considered an offence.
  
  COMMENT: Yes that's right - people who use vacuum cleaners at night should be dragged off in chains and thrown into dungeons for life.
  
  
• In Victoria, according to Section 70C of Crimes Act 1958, corresponding or doing business with pirates is illegal and can result in 10 years' imprisonment.
  
  COMMENT: "Har Har me hearties, send me some emails and I will show you my wooden leg and my hook." What a dumb law this is.
  
  
• It is an offence to offer rewards for a stolen property without asking questions in Tasmania and South Australia. The local jurisdictions do not permit anybody to give such rewards without the option for questioning since that leaves no room for capturing any criminals in the process.
  
  COMMENT: I can just see the advertisement - "Stolen: One Bike. Why did you take it?"
  
  
• It is illegal in most parts of Australia to wear a disguise without relevant cause. As bizarre as it sounds, the law is quite practical and can go a long way in preventing criminal activity.
  
  COMMENT: This should be used to make it illegal for Muslim women to wear niqabs and burqas. Or maybe not - most of them are plug-ugly and covering their faces is a damn good thing for the rest of us.
  
  
• Bars are required by law to stable, water and feed the horses of patrons.
  
  COMMENT: That law will never be enforced, so it's really dumb to have it in force.
  
  
• In South Australia it is against the law to disrupt a wedding. The same goes for funerals, too.
  
  COMMENT: With 51% of marriages ending in divorce, disrupting and preventing a wedding could be the biggest favour one can do for the betrothed. As for funerals, disrupting them won't bring the deceased back to life either.
  
  
• If you get electrocuted to death then you will have to pay fines to the government. Apparently, according to the Australian laws, it is illegal to touch electric wires that can lead to your death.
  
  COMMENT: This piece of insanity is like the suicide law. If you kill yourself, you will be committing a crime and you will be punished. I wonder if legislators can see the irony in this idiotic law?
  
  
• In Victoria, under the Vagrancy Act 1966, it's against the law to pretend to tell people’s fortunes – or use witchcraft or 'crafty science' for that matter - to discover where stolen goods might be found.
  
  COMMENT: So why are Victorian print media and websites advertising the "services" of alleged clairvoyants, psychics, astrologers, palmists and other "paranormals" who allege that they can tell people's fortunes? Obviously that Vagrancy Act is being ignored.
  
  
• It is an offence to sell a refrigerator with a capacity of 42.5 litres or more, unless all of the doors can be easily opened from the inside or it was brought into the state before 1962 in South Australia.
  
  COMMENT: But what about a refrigerator with a capacity smaller than 42.5 litres? Small children can be made into popsicles in such ice boxes.
  
  
• In NSW, it's illegal for bus drivers to splash mud on bus passengers. A driver must slow down or stop the bus if necessary in order not to splash mud on any person in a bus, or leaving a bus - or passengers waiting at a bus stop.
  
  COMMENT: This law takes all the fun out of driving a bus.